So, yesterday I had to euthanize my cat Simba. After 16 years of being my furry little best friend his body couldn’t take it. He was in kidney failure and he could have gone on a couple more days, but he would have been uncomfortable. I have lost pets before; it’s part of life. It sucks. But this was tremendously hard. Simba was my cat. He was my little Grey Butt. It’s weird not having him around. I’ve gone over in my head so many times in the last 24 hours if it was the right thing to do, and I keep painfully coming to the same conclusion: Yes. He lived a long, happy, loved life. He would have suffered. I didn’t want to let him go, but I wasn’t going to be selfish just because I knew how hard the situation was. His last day was almost poetically perfect, like nature knew. He hadn’t been purring or eating, drinking, or peeing regularly. But yesterday he snuggled me in bed and purred so loud. He peed right on the basement carpet in front of me too! I took him for a walk in the sunshine and there were butterflies which he’d never gotten to see before. He sniffed some flowers, the same kind which I put on his grave and buried with him, and he enjoyed them a lot. I took him to the vet without a crate and he sat on my lap with a perfect ray of sunshine through the car window on him. And I held him for a very very long time until my dad made his grave out by his brother under his favorite flower bush. I buried him in a box with our home address on it and filled it with his favorite treats, a good fortune, some ribbon that he loved to obnoxiously chew, a fantastic photo of him, and his own little blanket to keep his ear, nose, and paws warm.
All I can hope for is that he knew how much he was and will remain to be consistently loved. He was seriously the perfect Cat Match to my personality and I’m going to miss his obnoxious midnight meow-yelling and random piss puddles in our basement. I haven’t cried this much in a really long time and random things keep setting it off. I found a sweater I used for him after his hair cut that he hated. I found a tuft of his fur in my laundry. I’m going bridesmaid dress shopping in a few days and the dresses are grey and gold (his colors). I guess all I can do is accept his passing and know that he knew that he was loved as much as another being can be loved. I have been, currently am, and will forever be a Crazy Cat Lady.
Losing such a friend brings a great deal of sadness and uncertainty but all the good years that lead up to the passing somehow brings some consolation.
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